i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
