Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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