I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
