Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
