Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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