Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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