I look better un-naked...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
