I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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