she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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