if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
