Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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