I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
