it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
im on a boat
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