the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
