How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
