what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
