i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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