Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
