i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
