im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
