walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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