Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He shit in the fireplace
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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