This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she peed on how many people?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
