My hand turned me down
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
