Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
