my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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