no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My pussy is not your playground.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
