Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
