Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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