I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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