UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
