u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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