I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
