By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
