I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
