Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
