I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
