Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
