Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
