I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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