trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
