I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
