We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
