don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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