So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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