Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
