I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would ride that face into the sunset
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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