Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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