I can tuck mytits in my pants
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
