Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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